“The opportunity for defeating the enemy is provided by the enemy himself.” – Sun Tzu
I’ve been re-learning a powerful lesson over the past 48 hours.
A lesson that is critical to understand if you’ve ever:
– Worried what people think of you
– Dealt with “haters”
– Or, played smaller than you really are, in fear of what might happen if you stand in your power and assert yourself.
Here’s the story:
On Monday, I sent an email to our old EGT customer list for the first time in almost three years.
It’s a large list (tens of thousands of players and coaches) and the response was overwhelmingly positive.
Many sent beautiful, heartfelt replies, and it felt amazing to see so many familiar names pop up in my inbox.
But of course, with an audience that big, it will never all be positive.
So I wasn’t surprised to see a troll or two raising their shadowy head to share their opinions about me, EGT, and pretty much life in general.
And here’s what struck me:
Even though 99% of the responses were positive, the rare spikes of negativity are what stuck in my mind.
And guess what?
That’s a good thing.
In fact, it’s an evolutionary necessity:
Our nervous system is wired to look for threats in the environment — and when we see a threat, we react to protect ourselves.
That’s why we’re alive today.
So I would be more worried if those negative attacks didn’t hurt.
(they’re supposed to — those who never feel pain from social pressure are called sociopaths)
But what separates the successful from the never-quite-made-it is how they react to those negative attacks.
The never-quite-made-it tries to avoid the negativity…
And when they face it, they shame themselves for feeling the emotional sting.
(“That shouldn’t bother me! I’m too sensitive!”)
Which sends them into the downward spiral of playing smaller so they don’t feel that sting again…
…Until they eventually fade into the background, where it’s safe and cozy and nobody can hurt them.
The successful does exactly the opposite:
They know the pain of negative attacks is the price of playing big games on a big stage.
(bigger stage = more eyeballs, and they’re not all friendly)
And instead of avoiding it, they lean into it:
Asserting themselves with even more strength…
…Never changing their behaviour to please those who can’t be pleased.
When attacks come, they expect them to hurt like a fighter expects to get hit.
And instead of backing down, they use the pain to strengthen their emotional resilience, so they can continue doing what needs to be done:
No matter how it feels.
The lion at the top of the mountain has the most teeth biting at his heels, after all.
And if you want to play at the top, pain is the price.
– T
P.S. In case you missed it yesterday, we just uploaded 32 clips from last year’s retreat to a new YouTube channel.
And as that channel grows, guess what will grow with it?
A positive, engaged audience, yes.
But also, a much smaller but often louder group of “haters.”
I look forward to it 🙂
