“A man of indecision is a danger to himself, and to those who follow him.” – Chief of War
We’re so back.
How you been?
The last time we spoke was 48 hours before our annual summer retreat…
…And since then, I’ve been tied up with:
- Recovering from first retreat
- Running second retreat two weeks ago
- Recovering from second retreat
But now — we back.
And I think what I want to start with today is a story:
Somewhere around the end of July, a few days after wrapping up FounderLab and a week before our retreat began…
…I hit the wall harder than I can ever remember hitting it.
Full-blown burnout:
Sleeping ten hours a night and still needing a nap during the day.
Exhausted after light workouts.
Even cooking & eating felt like a chore.
I was irritated, flat, annoyed, empty — like someone had flipped my default state upside down.
Not bueno, since I was about to lead a group of 15 guys through a weeklong retreat, and would need to teach 8-10 hours a day at full energy.
So I took the entire week off:
Sleeping, eating, reading, taking epsom salt baths, getting acupuncture, mega-dosing herbs and supplements, and not doing much else.
I figured I’d be back to normal in a few days…
…But I wasn’t.
No matter what I tried, my body just wouldn’t snap back.
And I flew to our retreat feeling worse than I’ve felt in years.
(there’s a bunch more crazy shit I could add here, like the fact that I was also leading a plant medicine ceremony the night before the retreat — but I’ll skip over the gory details and get to the point)
Fast forward to the first morning of retreat:
We’re doing an hour-long meditation outside, and I’ve never felt anything like it:
Waves of exhaustion roll through my body, there is a sharp, stabbing pain in my kidneys (that can’t be good), and — I don’t know how else to describe this, but my bones feel… hollow. (weird)
So that sucks.
But what sucks even more:
I’m about to spend the next 8 hours teaching advanced AI principles — a session I’ve been preparing all summer for…
And I’m totally about to blow it.
And holy shit it’s just day one — I’ve got six more days of this?
Alright, coffee.
Sit down, breathe, open the outline, relax.
The group gathers:
How the hell am I going to do this?
Just start slow with an opening Q & A.
Okay, that doesn’t feel too bad.
With each question, my mind flickers to life, like a tiny blue flame fighting the urge to extinguish.
Slowly but surely, the energy is building.
The questions quiet down, and it’s almost time.
I share a quick video on the TV…
…Then, drop the opening line — a quote from the movie Ex Machina:
“If you’ve created a conscious machine, it’s not the history of man… That’s the history of Gods.”
And the floodgates open.
All at once, my energy is online, my mind is alive, and the session is flowing through me like an electric current through water.
The chapters race by…
…Stages of AI evolution, custom programming, avoiding AI traps, prompt engineering & advanced prompting techniques, a group competition…
…And then it’s over — and, like flipping a switch, I’m empty again.
The current is gone, and I’m back to feeling like a human puddle.
And so it went, every day for the next six days:
- Exhaustion (”how tf am I gonna do this…”)
- Session begins (”okay not so bad”)
- Come alive (”damn this feels amazing”)
- End session (”thank God I didn’t blow it”)
- Cooked.
The retreat Gods must have been smiling down on us, that week…
…Because no matter how low I felt, whenever I needed it, the energy appeared.
And as we wrapped up our final session, several long-time attendees called it:
“Our best retreat yet.”
So, why am I sharing this long, self-indulgent story with you?
Because it re-affirmed something we taught in the very first session of our very first retreat (see PS below), four years ago:
When you find “your thing”…
…The thing that feels most natural to you, that makes you feel most like yourself when you’re doing it, that puts you into an automatic flow state, that feels like pure play even when you’re “working”, that you can’t not do ‘cause you can’t imagine doing anything else…
…Everything not only becomes easier, it becomes almost effortless.
No matter how large the task, your mind and spirit rise up to meet it, as though overcome by a force of nature.
It’s a hard feeling to explain, and I’ve never felt it with anything else.
(in basketball, I had to scratch and claw for every “good game” I had — with this stuff, it’s harder to play poorly than to play well)
But it’s my deepest wish — and, arguably, the central purpose of this work — that you experience it for yourself.
Call it a purpose, call it a mission, call it a calling…
(all of which sound kinda froopy to me, but I haven’t found a better word yet)
…Call it whatever you want.
It doesn’t matter what you call it, it only matters that you find it, no matter how long it takes, and never, ever settle.
It’s good to be back 🙂
T
P.S. Here’s the recording from that first-ever session at our first-ever retreat, about how to find your thing.
Also:
This year’s retreat sessions (including ~10 hours of advanced training on AI) will be dropping to Path members soon.
Stay tuned…
Stuff I’ve been into over the past six weeks
While we were away…
Chief of War
If you can get past the language barrier (they shift to mostly-English a few episodes in), it’s a work of art. Arguably the best show I’ve watched so far this year.
Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir
I mentioned this in our last email, but I’ve finished it since then and it deserves another rec. Incredible. (will be turned into a movie soon)
Joseph Solomon
Had this guy’s covers on repeat during a nine-day fling with a girlfriend in August. Use protection.
“Realize that sleeping on a futon when you’re 30 is not the worst thing. You know what’s worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you’re not really in love with but for some reason you married, and you got a couple kids, and you got a job you hate. You’ll be laying there fantasizing about sleeping on a futon. There’s no risk when you go after a dream. There’s a tremendous amount to risk to playing it safe.” – Bill Burr
