“Stress doesn’t come from hard work. Stress primarily comes from not taking action over something that you can have some control over.” – Jeff Bezos
I really pissed myself off this week.
Seriously:
If I was coaching me, I’d have staged a Zoom intervention by Tuesday.
And by Wednesday, I’d have given myself a swift kick in the teeth.
By Thursday, I’d probably have lost hope (poor guy, he just ‘aint got it).
But then this morning happened.
And sitting here now, I can’t help but feel a flicker of hope — hope that… well, lemme just tell you the story:
For the first time in ~3 years, I’ve started recording original YouTube videos.
(I figured it was time to stop treating YT like a public dropbox where we upload any damn thing we feel like with no regard for strategy…)
Anyway, I don’t know how many videos I’ve filmed over the past 15 years, but it’s not a small number.
So talking to a camera is not a new thing.
And yet, as I sat down to record on Monday…
I just kinda… didn’t.
I’ll just polish the outline a little more, I thought.
Make it shiny and nice and perfect.
And while I’m at it, let’s figure out exactly what style of video I wanna make.
Haven’t done this in a while, so maybe it’s time to try something new.
Flashy edits, maybe? (I hate flashy edits)
Or maybe I’ll start scripting my videos? (after I jump off the roof first)
Four hours later, I still haven’t hit record…
And now I’m not feeling “fresh enough” to film.
Try again Tuesday.
But then it’s Tuesday morning, and I kinda wanna work at the coffee shop.
(and also kinda don’t want to film a video)
And hey, the coffee shop was fun on Tuesday.
So I might as well go there Wednesday, too.
I’ll just outline an extra video while I’m there, and record two on Thursday, instead of one.
No harm, no foul.
And don’t worry, trust me, I promise — no really, stop laughing, I swear — I am going to film on Thursday.
Seriously, I will.
Haha jk:
I won’t.
Procrastination strikes again, and I fall asleep on Thursday night with a feeling I haven’t felt in a long time.
A feeling I really, really don’t like:
A feeling that says:
“I don’t trust myself to do what needs to be done.”
God, I fxcking hate that feeling.
And it was still there when I woke up this morning, along with a subtle disgust at the glaring lack of progress I made this week.
And, wanna know what my mind said in response?
Seriously, I kid you not — it actually said:
“Coffee shop would be fun today.”
Hahahah, oh my God.
The ridiculousness of that thought coming right on the heels of feeling like a total piece of sh*t finally snapped me out of my week-long trance.
I shower fast. Coffee. Downstairs.
Immediately sit down and hit record.
I don’t give a smiling fxck if these are the worst videos I’ve ever filmed.
They’re getting done — today — even if I have to sit here ‘till midnight.
An hour later, I’m done.
Relief washes over me and my shoulders unclench.
Not because the videos came out perfectly.
(they didn’t — they’re pretty good, a solid start)
But because, facing the steepest mountain of resistance I’ve felt in — years? — I finally strapped up, put my boots on the ground, and scaled the damn thing.
And then I went to the coffee shop (loll)
So that’s where I am now, writing this long, self-indulgent story…
Hoping maybe there’s something in here you can benefit from, but also just needing to get it off my chest.
So thanks for listening 🙂
Moral of the story:
The worst type of stress doesn’t come from hard work.
It comes from not doing the work you know you should be doing.
Godspeed.
– T
P.S. After all that…
I’m still not sure if I’ll post the videos.
They’re pretty good, but I know I can do better.
(hey, perfectionism ‘aint procrastination — one demon at a time…)
Still, I know many of y’all will wanna watch them anyway.
So if you do, hit reply and we’ll send you a private link.
And if you don’t:
Well, I just hope you have a wonderful day.
You deserve it.
“Envision your behaviors and attitudes as tendencies, rather than concrete certainties.” – Karla McLaren
